(Britt) hard conversations


Im meeting with my sister in law in a few weeks. We have been estranged from her and her family for over two years. I have been trying to get her to meet with me for the last few months and we have finally set a date.
They are estranged from everyone on that side of the family, and no one but myself, although they are in laws to me, has any desire to regain contact with them. I however feel like everything that has happened in the past is no big deal- I have a belief system where I think family is important and I’m willing to go through the good bad and ugly with family. The rest of the family doesn’t feel this way.
Initially when I asked her to meet with me I told her I just wanted her to know that I still loved her and her family, I’d like to meet and let her tell me anything that she feels I should know about her side of the story. And that I felt that I can’t represent anyone else in the family but myself but maybe if we could have a relationship others would follow.

I just rewatched a coaching session where Brooke coaches someone who was going to go meet with an ex husband. After watching that I’m wondering if my thoughts going in are managed well enough to handle myself as I would like to.

Ive been trying to run through scenarios of what might she say and how I might respond. I imagine she will say something like
“This really hurt us; you really hurt my husband; how can you explain your actions; I’m not okay with how we were treated; how can you associate with Mom when she did this to us; I can’t talk to you if I’m not talking to Mom; if you don’t accept that Mom is at fault for all of this we can’t have a relationship.”

The old me or natural part of me would want to either fight her and say actually no Mom isn’t to blame you guys did such such and such. Or simply, “I just don’t see it the same way.” And or, “I’m so so sorry, you’re right, non do that should have happened, what can I do to make it right.”

I feel like I don’t know if these reactions are in line with my thoughts that I want to have going into the meeting. The thoughts I’m practicing are
“ I love her unconditionally” “I can be the one to take full responsibility for what happened, and let’s move on” “I empathize with her and understand exactly where she’s coming from”

These thoughts give me the feeling of Love

I’m just not sure what action to take and what exactly to say. Does that mean my thoughts and feeling aren’t genuine? I do really believe those thoughts.

Hope this makes sense. Thank you for any help you can give on how I can approach this meeting.