Brooke said that one’s ability to love somebody does not depend on the subject of this affection. Does it mean that choice of a partner is irrelevant?

Does it mean that if I feel unhappy with my current partner then it is all on me – and changing a partner will change nothing? But that seems to contradict the “Want Match” idea. In other words, does it mean that no matter how much or little overlap I have with a particular partner’s “want list” has no bearing on how happy I can be with them?

In practical terms, I have realized that we have very little overlap in “want match” with my current partner, and I have already been contemplating a separation, but I am conflicted – because I interpret “love ability” episode to mean that extent of my love for my partner *only* depends on my thoughts and beliefs, and have nothing to do with their attitude, personality, thoughts or “want list.” Consequently, leaving them for another person (who might have a want-list very compatible to mine) won’t change anything. What am I misunderstanding?