Brooke’s Coaching Call with 40 year old woman who’s been dating since 22


I watched this coaching session about 5 times in a row! That was completely me when I was 40. I had also been trying to do dating “exactly right” my entire adult life. I’m now 48 — still never married, no kids. I used to think this was a profound tragedy and failure. Now I think other things, like I’m so glad I’m not raising little kids now or teenagers in my 50s. So much time and money for other adventures! However, I was still deeply interested in trying to understand my former self through this call. It was such a painful time in my life.

I noticed something and I would love to understand Brooke’s response better. The caller asked over and over again “What am I doing wrong?” and sometimes worded this “What is wrong with me?” Brooke firmly stated that there was nothing wrong with her ever — but that she WAS doing it wrong.

Did Brooke mean “I’m doing something wrong” is not the same as “there is something wrong with me”?

Models:
C: Man ends relationship with me after several weeks
T: Something is wrong with me
F: Pain (Agony, Mourning, Grief)
A: Ruminate on what could possible be wrong with me, what I’m doing wrong, what I could have done right to make him stay, what I could have done to not choose him, what to do next time, try to figure out how to dating perfectly
R: Stay single, keep belief that something is wrong with me and that hope is dangerous

C: Man ends relationship with me after several weeks
T: He wasn’t a match for me, now I’m free to move on!
F: Hope, happiness, inspiration
A: Explore new opportunities in dating and life
R: Create a new way of being in the world and in dating

So “doing it wrong” means choosing the first model. Yes?

I also want to offer advice (to the caller and my former self!!!): Be careful about “manifesting a soul mate”. Let’s be honest “soul mate” almost always means “extremely hot romance” in people’s minds which is a different set of features than “good husband and father.”