Brother con’t.


As mentioned previously, my brother is in a lot of debt to the IRS, his x-wife and others. He isn’t taking it on as something to be solved. He often asks family and friends for short term loans. I am practicing allowing my brother to be who he is, to spend as he does, and to ask for loans as he does. Although I’d love to change how he looks at his financial situation and teach him the model, I know I really can’t control who he is and what he does. I want to love him unconditionally. I have done model work on this. I know he’s going to ask me for money. I will say I no longer lend money to family members (in a loving way, telling him I’m there for him, that I love him, etc).
That should be enough–but part of me also wants to tell him that I am negatively affected by him asking—I want to tell him not because I want to change him or stop him from doing it but because I think this would be useful information to him—showing him that his actions have negative consequences to our relationship. I do know and believe that we are all responsible for our own feelings–that no one can make anyone feel a certain way. Yet part of me needs to voice the negative consequence that exists—looking for help out of this thought loop.