Brother-in-law


Several times over the past 20 years my sister’s husband has told me how sexually attracted he is to me. I am definitely not attracted to him. The first time he said it, I told my sister. She told him and he denied it and said I was the one who said that to him. She believed him and cut me off for two years. She’s my only sister and I missed her. After two years, she reached out and said she preferred not to talk about the incident and for us both to let it go. Anytime he said something like that to me since, I just ignored it so as not to lose my relationship with her again. Recently, he said to me in a whisper, “When I hug you, I get aroused. I wanted to apologize about that. Did I offend you? ” I said “I didn’t notice anything. You strike me as someone who has good boundaries around that kind of thing and values his marriage.” He seemed relieved by my response. I’ve never hugged him since. I was trying to build up a self image within him that I think he wants to live by. I know he says these kinds of things to other women, and my sister always takes his side. I have a lot of unprocessed emotions about the whole thing.. My thoughts are “He shouldn’t talk to his sister-in-law like that.” “I’m going to lose my sister again if she finds out.” “I wish she’d leave him.” I’ve tried thoughts like “He can act however he wants and I get to respond however I want.” “It’s okay if I lose my relationship with my sister again, that’s about her choices.” “Her choice of relationship is her business, not mine.” Those help…but maybe there’s something else I’m missing here…?