Brother not home for holidays and parents’ reactions


C: Brother has not visited home for holidays for 15 years.
T: I am okay with this, but it bothers my parents.
F: Conflicted
A: Listen to mom for 2 hours, try to sympathize, discuss with husband what I can do to support my mom, wonder if she should try to move on, question whether she is judging and demonizing my brother too much, get frustrated at myself for allowing these conversations to go on so frequently. Judge conversations as negatively indulgent.
R: It bothers me that my mom focuses on this issue.

I feel very neutral about my brother and this situation. I accept if he doesn’t want to come home, but I also accept that my parents are hurt by this. What I’m not sure on is whether I should continue enabling my parents to focus and talk so much about this issue. Sometimes it bothers me that I allow it to go on for so many hours, but I also feel bad interrupting or trying to end the call as clearly they are in pain. But then I wonder if they are in pain because people like me enable them to focus on it so much. Please help and thank you!