Buffer x 10

Today I am very disappointed in myself. After receiving bad news about my beloved dog I called my husband and asked him to pick up a bottle of white wine. I have wine and other booze in my house but for some reason I knew asking him to pick it up on the way home was a statement. So, instead of feeling my pain, I buffered. Drinking a bottle of wine used to be what I just did…everyday. It’s been a long time since that was true. Plus, I now weigh 50 pounds less than I used to. It turned out pretty badly. I fell down in the bathroom and have injured my tailbone. Plus, I got very sick to my stomach and ended up throwing up my dinner and hopefully most of the wine. Today, I am in bed with a very sore tailbone, a slight hangover, slight because of the throwing up, listening to SOD calls. I have done my worksheet, Learn and move on. I am trying not to beat myself up. I am very disappointed in myself. For some reason I felt compelled to “confess” this. I know the exact thoughts that lead to my drinking. I have done models. I am less confused than I would have been prior to SCS. The pain of my dog’s cancer was not improved by my drinking last night. Very net negative consequences….