I have three major buffers I am using to avoid some hard conversations with my husband. They are drinking, smoking, and eating.

When I try to stop one, I go to the other and bounce around in this vicious circle. I know we need to focus on just one thing but I’m having difficulty on which one to choose. I make progress and then crash and burn repetitively. I am self coaching and have gotten to the point of I am not in love with myself when I am with my husband. I’ve done both unintentional and an intentional model on this. I guess I have to answer my own question about which buffer to stop but I am writing to you to see if you might recommend a place to start.

Unintentional model:

C- husband
T-I am not in love with my husband
A-buffer with food, alcohol, and cigarettes. Self loathe. Act fake. Get angry over nothing, and suppress
R-I’m not in love with myself

Intentional model:

T-I am learning to love myself while staying in this marriage
A-communicate, self compassion, allow feelings, allow urges
R-progress not perfection