Buffering around work interfering with goals – Please help!!

Hi Brooke,

I am having daily urges to overeat and/or drink as much as I can get away with (I think because of my work). I am not losing weight at all, which is one of my biggest goals. I wake up every morning thinking about it. I lost 30 lbs since April 2017 working with a coach trained by you., then gained most of it back over the last year. She went off in a different direction and encouraged me to pursue SCS, which I started in October. I know I can do it because of my past success and am really disappointed in myself. I am a nurse practitioner and care very much about mental health, mind management, solving my problems and helping my patients (and friends). I hope to start a coaching practice in the future and incorporate mental health and/or weight loss as an NP part time as well.

I agreed to be the business owner for my boss’s practice at one point and signed a lot of papers without knowing what I was doing. I was in a worse place then emotionally and professionally and did it as a favor… But 3 years later the business is still not making a profit. As “business partner” and senior provider (we have 1 other NP) and after several complete turnovers in staff, all the other MDs have resigned. I have had no raises, no reimbursement for travel time (7-8 hours + overnights twice monthly), no paperwork has been produced – including business OR employment agreements in spite of repeated requests, I have no influence over hiring, firing, or input on staff performance and I think I want out. I want to move closer to my mother who has been diagnosed with breast cancer and my dad who recently retired. I have told my boss very clearly several times that I don’t want to be the business owner but he basically tells me that there is no one else to do it and if I leave now the business will close and everyone will lose their jobs and he will have lost his life savings. Once we start to make a profit THEN we can hopefully transfer business ownership to someone who will want the practice (it can’t be him), but there is no timeline for this occurring and we haven’t made a profit in 3 years. I am not trained in business but as a nurse practitioner so there is some fear around the unknown. There are things about this doctor (my boss) that I have grown to appreciate – He helped me through diagnosis with mixed connective tissue disease, gave me a reduced schedule to accommodate the initial treatment and monthly infusions to manage it and has also mentored me from a less experienced NP to the skillset I have now. My reduced schedule allows me time to work on self coaching and learning how to build a coaching business (or potentially find a new job and make the plans I need to make). I know his wife and family and like him as a person. I don’t want him to fail personally or to see the business fail.

I have identified clear feelings of anger (I have been manipulated. This isn’t right) and feeling trapped (I can’t leave. I am going to need a lawyer to help me figure this out – I can’t afford that) and pressured (If I leave it will be my fault when everything falls apart. My parents are getting older – what if something happens while I’m sitting here unhappily doing this for him?) and so sad (My boss put everything he had into this and it didn’t work, I can’t abandon him – he’s a good person with a good family and he has tried so hard). Please help. Any thought suggestions that I can work with? What would you do? I need to start getting some clarity and control with this so I can move forward in my life. Thank you so so much for your insight!!!