Buffering feels better than fear

I am experiencing a lot of fear in my life right now. For a long time I didn’t make offers in my biz because of the fear. I lost 4 kg, managed my buffering fairly well, then made a goal to go out and make 50 offers. The fear is eating me alive. I did 15. I feel raw. It feels life threatening. People on the road cut me off and I swear at them. I am resisting the fear, I can feel it. I spent 40 min with my 1-1 coach processing it Monday. And it still stays. Again in my 20 min coaching session. I have the thought that I am not capable of processing fear. It feels too scary. And that my only choice is to run. I feel like I’m itching out of my skin. I’m reverting back to bulimic behaviors and I don’t even care because the fear is overwhelming me so much.

I’m wondering if I need to take a break in my biz to get the buffering under control. My highest self doesn’t want to be doing it. I want to be able to feel the fear and do it anyways. I don’t want to cheat and change the circumstance. It seems like whatever option I choose, I’m going to judge myself negatively. The only release from the emotion seems to be post binge-purge. Then the thoughts quiet down and I find peace. When I self coach, when I process emotion, I’m just in fight or flight.

Please help me.