I have thought about writing a couple times over the last few weeks but every time I start I end up erasing what I have and moving on to something else. I generally am very good at self coaching, of course that has not always been true but I have gotten much better in the last year and in transparency, I do have you to thank for a significant portion of that. Overall, I have had an amazing year and I really am proud of some work I have been doing. I didn’t listen too well when you suggested to pick one goal. I have many and frankly I haven’t given myself much choice but to get them all done. However, my hard work is not being recognized by others in the way I had imagined or planned. It’s completely messing with my mind. I know I need to do things for me and to feel valued comes from my own thoughts and not from the actions or recognition of others. Though I know this, I still have seen a downward spiral in my mental and emotional state and I am doing my best to not dwell there but I am struggling. Today particularly has been a real struggle and I don’t know more today than yesterday but it is. I just want to eat…. or drink (I temporarily gave up wine at the beginning of the year). Weight is a struggle for me but I have been slowly making progress and feel good about what I have lost so far this year (around 20 pounds). Today I have been eating and eating and eating and I know I am buffering but still don’t seem to want to stop. I am currently doing Whole 30 right now (another story in itself) so there isn’t a lot of choice for today’s binge-fest. I have been eating apples, and turkey taco salad, more apples, a banana, olives, sweet potatoes… they may be healthy but I know it’s still buffering. I am just anxious for my husband to now get home with some smoked ribs that Whole 30 compliant! I am curious if you ever find yourself in that place anymore? I know I will overcome today but it’s more of the underlying pieces I am not sure how to deal with.
This is the place that perhaps many people would throw in the towel (when you have worked hard and it isn’t reaping the reward you want) but I have committed to myself that I will keep going and that this is just part of the journey and that my brain is telling me to run and take shelter immediately because it’s sure we are going die and if not that then we will definitely fail and make a fool of ourselves in the process. I know you didn’t just wake up one day and suddenly you have an amazing coaching practice and life. I would love to hear what strategies you would use on yourself to rise above and thrive through your cloudy days. I could use some inspiration right now and it feels way too hard to find it within right now.
Thanks for all your amazing work. You truly are an inspiration!