Burden/inconvenience to my family


I’m 27 and living at home with my mum (plus her partner and my 11yo sister). Currently not in a permanent full-time job and therefore am not contributing financially but try to offer help in other ways. Currently not in a position to rent/buy own place. Generally have a good relationship with mum. She is quite intense, stressed, uncomfortable with/unaware of her own thoughts and feelings. I sometimes feel the desire to try and ‘fix her’. I am working hard on self-awareness, mindfulness, but often have feelings of insecurity& ‘not being good enough’.
There’ve been several occasions where they have gone away for a weekend as a family and I’ve stayed home to look after the dog & house. On their return, there will be something that I have done/not done/moved/used which causes her to snap at me eg. I finish the juice from the fridge, she thinks I’ve moved a blanket (I haven’t, but she shouts anyway), I leave washing on the airer (can’t exactly put it away wet, can I?!) therefore the house feels ‘untidy’ to her. The list goes on…
This leaves me feeling like she must not want me living there, like I’m an inconvenience, a burden, like I can’t seem to ‘get anything right’ or ever seem to please her. On one hand, I think ‘Ok, next time I’ll just not touch anything/use anything/do anything then she can’t find fault’ but on the other hand, I feel like that’s not the right way to see this because essentially, it’s my home too and I don’t think I should have to live that way. I’m struggling with the little shield of “what people think of me is beyond my control therefore I won’t let it have a negative effect on my feelings” because she’s my mum, and of course I care what she thinks of me, of course I want to please her/make her proud. She brushes it off when I tell her how it makes me feel and tells me these things don’t matter and ‘its only juice!’ – but her actions speak louder than her words. I fear she’s saying the ‘right thing’ when she sees she’s upset me.

C: Mum comes home from weekend away and comments on X (juice, for example)
T: She probably doesn’t want me to live here any more
F: Rejected and a bit useless
A: Take it very personally and distance myself from the whole family
R: I am sad, the cycle repeats until I move out.

I’m strugging with the IM – the result I want is to be able to live like a normal human who eats and drinks and needs clean clothes and doesn’t feel like a burden but I’m not sure of the healthy way to get there. Please could you help?