C: friend is in the Congo


C: friend is in the Congo
T: I might not be able to do more adventurous travel now that I’m in a serious relationship
F: Anxious. Maybe it’s more scarcity? It’s a graspy fear based feeling. It is a fear that I won’t get something that I want, whatever that feeling is called.
A: I question my relationship. I text the friend who is in the Congo. I envision going on boring vacations with my current boyfriend. I feel envious of others who are single and free. I deeply fear being in a committed relationship and feel doom.
R: I have no idea.

This line of thinking gets out of control.

I might not be able to do adventurous travel
Travel is so important to me, it fuels me
I like much more rural rustic adventurous travel than my partner
He might not ever do the awesome things I want to do
I feel so repressed (because of my thoughts)
Maybe he isn’t right for me
Maybe we aren’t connected enough
Maybe being with him is a mistake
I don’t want a simple life
I don’t want to live in his city
I’m giving up too much

I spiral like this. Triggered by the C of someone I know going to the Congo.

I feel like I don’t know what to do with this spiral.

How can I know if something is right for me?

Sometimes my mind is saying yes.

Sometimes it’s saying no.

Do I just get to decide what I want it to say?

I guess ultimately I’m scared. I’m scared to talk to my partner about my fears. But I do want to be able to address them. I just don’t know how.