I just started dating this guy, we have been on three dates.
C: Brad says on a Facetime call “I kind of miss you”
T: Yuck. I don’t miss him, but I should say it back or it will be awkward
F: Yuck, awkward, ick
A: I say it back without enthusiasm hoping he gets the hint, I don’t say much else and let him end the conversation, I get off the phone quickly, I don’t speak what’s true for me. I people please, I don’t feel my feelings. I avoid my feelings about HIS feelings.
R: I miss the opportunity to build a relationship with myself
What I *really* mean is: I’m still getting to know you and I’m currently unsure about things, and it makes me uncomfortable that you say you miss me when I’m still figuring things out. You really don’t even know me, and I think you have me on some kind of pedestal and have this idea of who I am and I’m really probably not that person, and I feel a lot of pressure when I think you projected a made-up version of me.
I’m certainly not about to say that, haha. I could try to model it out though?
C: Brad says words
T: He has me on some kind of pedestal
A: Pull back, give him disclaimers about why not to be surprised, I get kind of hot-cold, ruminate a lot
R: I actually put MYSELF on a pedestal (not a good pedestal) – I’m “too much to handle”. I sabotage the relationship ahead of time.
Open to feedback! Relationship work is new to me and I feel like I have a lot of unconscious stuff going on still.