C: Invite customers to a meeting (SB)


In doing my thought download, I realize that I am afraid that this one customer is going to be upset with me, no matter what I do. For some reason I really care when he’s upset, and I fully take it on. My usual model is something like this:

C: Customer says words to me directly, or to somebody else about me when I’m not present
T: This is my fault
F: Guilty
A: Ruminate, feel bad about myself, hide, I don’t fully show up (I think my hiding and not fully showing up looks like lack of confidence, which is why he continues to pick on me)
R: I continue to engage in more activities that encourage him to pick on me. I stay in emotional childhood.

Now, I have to set up this meeting. I’m currently procrastinating and taking no action because I’m scared that Customer is going to be mad at me for god knows what.  He will find something. I feel like one of those dogs that’s afraid to walk past a cat because every time they do, they get swatted.

C: Desire to set up customer meeting
T: Customer is going to be mad about something no matter what I do
F: Resistant
A: Procrastinate, ruminate, worry, I don’t set up the meeting, I make myself feel self-conscious, I don’t take action to set up the meeting
R: I give Customer more fuel to pick on me for, I stay in emotional childhood

What I’d *like* to feel is F: peaceful, unperturbed, or equanimity

In order to feel those things, I would have to stop worrying about how Customer feels and stop taking responsibility for his feelings. AND, if Customer IS mad or says something behind my back, I have to stop making that mean something about myself. I can see that.

Some possible things to try on:

T: Customer can be mad at me and that’s for him to deal with (don’t fully believe)
T: I’m learning to be a person who doesn’t take responsibility for other people’s feelings (still don’t fully believe)
T: I’m learning to have my own back, no matter what (better)
T: I know emotional adulthood is possible for me (better)
T: It’s possible that my actions don’t cause Customer’s feelings (still don’t fully believe, ugh! This is the problem. I believe my actions cause his feelings).
T: I’m learning to let Customer have his feelings and not make that mean anything about myself (I do kind of believe this one)
T: I can love Customer and also allow him to have the space to feel however he feels (for some reason this feels good and I believe it. Something about sending him love feels relaxing)

I can practice these thoughts and I am also open to more bridge thoughts if you have ideas!