I don’t want to follow up with my sister about watching my cat because I’m afraid she is going to say no. So, I don’t do it. I already asked her yesterday, and she said she was busy and couldn’t talk and then never followed up again later. All of this makes me quite angry because I need to find someone to watch my cat, and if she won’t do it I need to find somebody else.

I guess I equate “she’s going to say no” with “she’s going to be mad.”

C: MOH says to ask sister about cat sitting
T: She’s going to be mad
F: Tense
A: Don’t ask
R: I make myself mad

I’m also pretty annoyed that she is being wishy-washy.

C: Sister does not confirm if she will watch my cat
T: I need to know now
F: Anxious
A: Urges to reach out multiple times, ask my dad to watch her, take actions to find someone else to watch her
R: I create more anxiety and still don’t know now

C: Sister does not confirm if she will watch my cat
T: She’s so selfish
F: Resentful
A: Talk about her to my friends, make up stories in my head about her, get mad at her
R: I’m selfish

So I can see the truth in those statements.

What I actually want to do is to follow up with my sister in a reasonable amount of time. I just asked her yesterday, so I don’t have to ask again today. I can ask her again tomorrow. I think I have to be okay with the fact that she might say no. If she says no, I’m going to feel angry and resentful. I think I’m trying to avoid feeling angry and resentful by not asking, even though I’m basically creating that ahead of time.

I can see that I’m being selfish here. I think she should respond to me and that she should watch my cat. I’m not taking responsibility for what I need – I want her to do it. I can see that. I can also see the propensity for me to want to go into a drama story about how I can’t rely on my family, but I can also see that it’s true – I can’t rely on my family to put my needs above their own. That’s not a problem, I think that’s just reality.

I will ask her again tomorrow and have my own back. If she says no, she says no, and I can handle my feelings of uncertainty. I’m frustrated that she hasn’t responded to me. I can also ask her to set up a time to talk about it since I know she’s busy.

Any other insights here I can work with? I still feel anxious (because of uncertainty) and frustrated (that she hasn’t responded), and I’m doing my best here to allow those feelings to be.