C: We Paid Her Ticket And She Stays By Us For Two Nights


My brother and I live in the US and our mom is visiting once a year from abroad.
She always takes a standby ticket, which results in stress whether she will get on the flight or not, and many times she got ready indeed, went to the airport and found out she needs to return back home and try again the next day.
After last year’s stress she decided that she will save money each month and buy herself a ticket so she will guarantee her peace of mind but two months ago she found out that her cleaning lady stole her money.
She called me crying and upset and at the time I was certain that I had enough miles and so I calmed her immediately and told her not to worry and that I will buy her the ticket with my miles and that she should just relax.

When the time came to book her flight I found out that I was short on miles and so had to purchase the ticket with money. I called my brother and told him that and asked whether he would like to share with me the cost of the ticket, since she is coming to see us both. He said he can’t afford helping now and that was that.
My husband and I decided together that since I gave her my word and since I want her to come calmly and peacefully, that we will buy her the ticket with our own money and give her this gift.

We went ahead and even bought her business class tickets, booked everything and then I asked her how would she like to divide her time between staying by us in NYC and staying with my brother in Rhode Island and she said she will stay by us only two nights because she wants to spend as much time as possible with her grand-kids, my brother’s kids (we don’t have children).

My Unintentional Model – A day before she arrives:

C: We paid her ticket and she stays by us for two nights
T: She’s being ungrateful
F: Disconnected, angry
A: Show up cold to her
R: Not enjoy our time together

My Intentional Model:

C: We paid her ticket and she stays by us for two nights
T: Of course she would want to stay with her grand-kids as much as possible, that’s what brings her joy!
F: Happy for her, understanding
A: Show up loving and planning the two days she is by us
R: Enjoying her short stay

I just want to say that my mental work at SCS helped me come up with such great and useful thoughts about her visit:

I am so lucky that we are fortunate to be able to afford paying a business class ticket for my mom.
My intention to bring her here calmly and peacefully has been fulfilled.
My mom doesn’t need to “pay us back” by staying longer by us, she should only do whatever brings her the most joy.
I can plan on two days full of activities with her and give us both an incredible experience.
Because she will stay by my brother more days, I won’t need to take that many days off my work.