I want to give you an example of how I think on a day to day basis. I’m ashamed to be telling you this, but I really want to change, so here it goes.
It’s very natural for me to shame other women in my mind if I think they are acting too confident for their looks. (Someone who is not the prettiest in my opinion, but acting like they are) Of course I would never be rude to their face, but my thoughts are downright mean.
C: random woman walks past me at work.
T: uh, who do you think you are to be dressing like that? Have you looked in the mirror? Again who are you again?
F: total disgust
A: just goes on with business with a deep yucky feeling inside as though I’m a bad person.
R: Not fruitful. And not the woman I want to be. At all.
This happened at work today and I didn’t even know the woman. Now that I am so aware of my thoughts, I noticed that I did this and it came very natural to me. (Like it wasn’t like anyone asked for my opinion).
Could this be a deeper reflection of how I feel about myself? And can I change this?
I did some thought work on this, and I did find a lingering thought of:
“I was never allowed to live boldly beyond my looks, so they shouldn’t be allowed either” ….kinda like I’m pissed that they are even living that way and getting away with it.
Either way, I do not want to be this woman.
I think I may need to go deeper and rewrite my past on this somehow.
All I need to know is if I’m on to something here.
Thanks so much!!!