Can you help me understand this about myself?


You Coached me on this once, but I am finding I am dropping back into this crazy place.
Everywhere I go I think people are laughing at me, talking about me, making fun of me, giving me looks of disgust. About the way I’m dressed, how I smell, how thin my hair is, how fat I am, how ugly I am, my facial expressions. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, self-consous, taunted, completely insecure, narcsistic, crazy for thinking all this. I find my self wanting to flee and hide. And at times have. One day recently I even found myself leaving my half full shopping cart at the store and running for the car. This happens regardless if I have confidence when I walk out the door or I feel awful about myself.
I see all the thoughts here. I add “So what” to them. I open up to these feelings in the moment, watch my self and be fascinated with this. I am feeling like this is taking me over. Like I have no control over these thoughts. Here I am now, on vacation and I am hiding in my hotel room instead of out there by the amazing beautiful beach, shopping or exploring. I’m trying to understand all this. Where do i go from here?
Thank you. xoxo