I’ve been taught thou shalt honor thy parents and I do. However the more thought work I do the more I realize I want to be “DONE” with my Mom. I used this thought to stop drinking. Realizing I was DONE with the negative effects of alcohol on my life. I’ve had enough for a lifetime and it’s worked wonders!
This mental battle regarding my mom isn’t new, but I am struggling to reconcile how to honor her but keep my distance. I’ve worked to have stronger and stronger boundaries over the years. Anytime we talk she takes 90% of the air time and I try to get a word in edgewise. Now she’s 87 and I “should” be thankful to still have her around, but she’s always been a negative, worrying martyr type. During the Coronavirus outbreak I am not visiting and telling myself I don’t want to expose her to any risk. The truth is she can go at anytime and I will be at peace. I have done my very best with her. For years I listened to her troubles until I became clinically depressed. I no longer do that because it doesn’t help her and it certainly doesn’t help me!
I need new thoughts so I don’t experience false guilt as I continue to distance myself from her. Five to 10 minutes on the phone and I can feel the life draining from me. I have too much to live for and offer this world. If what I can offer could help my mom it would’ve helped by now, but it’s never enough. I don’t want to wait until she passes to have complete peace with distancing myself from her.