I am not getting up in the morning when I plan on waking up. And part of me believes that part of the problem is also not going to bed when I plan on going to bed. Staying up an extra half hour to an hour.
This morning I spent some time self-coaching and trying to understand why I am not getting my body up out of bed in the morning when I have made this commitment to myself. Last week I was doing really well with following through on my calendar and going to bed and waking up on time.
So what were my thoughts this morning? I distinctly remember telling myself, “Okay girl, its our time to shine and live our life. You can do this. You got this!” I was trying to create motivation. But I did not get out of bed. I snuggled into my covers for another 45min.
C: plan to wake up at 4:40am
T: You got this!
F: motivation -> eh. But I didnt feel motivated. I stopped my model there.
Which means that my model changed. I don’t know that I consciously thought anything different, but I think it was subconscious that my brain was saying, yeaaa but I’m tired. And I let myself feel tired and snuggle back into bed.
If my thought is I’m tired and I feel tired, then I asked myself can I just allow myself to feel tired and still get up and start my day?
But that brings me to the question of whether the feeling of tired is a sensation in my body, a sensation like hunger where I know I need to eat something, or is it a feeling that I can let myself just feel without following through on the model where I sleep past the time I planned to wake up.
As I am trying to answer this question for myself, my thought is that maybe tired can be both a feeling and a sensation. Maybe I have to learn the difference between the two. I let myself try and explain what tired feels like for me: warm heavy weights warmly and gently pulling my eyelids and my head down, not a weight on top, but weights tied to strings coaxing my eyelids and head down.
And as I let myself feel that, I keep thinking, is this my body telling me I am not getting enough sleep?
Or is this the feeling when I don’t want to allow myself to be motivated to get out of bed and follow through on my plans? I have a full time job and a two-year old, which makes 5:00-6:30am my time for either free time or focus time for my business. And instead of using that time, I have been sleeping through it.
Okay, so when I allow myself to feel the tired, I just really really wanted to go back to sleep. LOL. How do I feel tired but also show up for myself and starting my business?