I’ve rsvp-ed to a seminar a few weeks ago. It was last night between 6 to 9pm. Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well, had the start of migraine, and kids were getting tired. Generally I put kids to bed. They can last until 9pm (bedtime ranges from 7 to 9) but yesterday when I picked them up from school they were saying they wanted an early night with me, not getting to bed with my husband. The migraine was mild – I could easily just took paracetamol and ibuprofen and soldier on.

C -seminar
T- I don’t know what to do – do I cancel or keep going to seminar
F – indecision
A- eating 2 bags of rice crackers while ruminating in my head and scolding myself – I should not have thought I could make an evening seminar – what was I thinking.
R- eating more than I should have

C- seminar
T- I am untrustworthy if I don’t keep my words
F- disgusted at myself
A- I actually ended up cancelling at the last minute. I liked my reason – I was looking after my health and my kids. But I was still being angry at myself – I ate 4 slices of pizza and some more rice crackers and frozen blueberries – which is healthy – but I was already full, so I was overeating that my tummy was uncomfortable. I was punishing myself with overeating.
R- unhealthy relationship with myself. I don’t have my own back

This is awareness work – just how much self judgement, self put down that I have.. I want to quickly change them, but I think I need to fully own my current pattern first.