Can’t do this alone

I’m sitting over here in my home crying about killing a cockroach. I’ve killed many a cockroach in my life by myself and I hate it every time. I don’t like them. I don’t want to see them. And I swear it gets worse with each one.

What’s killing me right now is how easily they trigger my thought “I can’t do this alone. I need a man” Well, I don’t want to think that because thinking that makes me feel lonely and want to cry and I sure as hell have lived this long without one and can kill bugs by myself. So why do I have this belief? I asked myself this and my answer was just turning into a loop “Because I can’t kill bugs and I hate it and I want someone else to do it for me” but I CAN kill them and I can take care of myself.