Can’t forgive myself for the past


One of the reasons I joined scholars was to help me with my self-esteem. I grew up feeling like a bad daughter because my mom was often mad at me. I shop-lifted when I was 11 and got caught; I let boys go a little farther than the average teen in my catholic school in the 1980s and got a bit of a bad reputation, which some good girls in my class enjoyed sharing with me several times in my teens and even in college. Later I ended up getting serious with a boy who never had a girlfriend and I eventually had to tell him that I was not a virgin. He reacted badly, in such a way that I took as a judgment on my morals, but he says was just because he was jealous. We have been married for 30 years. It has been a good marriage with two children, but for the most part, I have felt like a bad girl who didn’t deserve him. That he was a better person than me. Sometimes it just leads me to get mad at him for no reason at all. I also have always felt like his two sisters are better than me – better moms, better daughters, better cooks, etc. SCS is helping me a ton – way more than therapy ever did, but these thoughts still crop up once in a while, so I thought I would put them down here for a coach’s opinion. Thank you!