Hello coaches! Day 3 hw about our abilities triggered this for me. Most of those thoughts are about me having incredible abilities and me wasting them away by not working hard enough / laziness.
I did some models and more TD’s on this and it comes down to my belief that as a refugee (came here in ’91 from Ukraine) I was given all these incredible opportunities, support, and education and I need to work EXTREMELY hard to ‘prove’ my worthiness and to make my parents’ sacrifices to come here worth it. (their lives here are incredible now but at the time it was very challenging for them and they sacrificed a lot for my sister and me to have opportunities)
My result from that is that I really don’t do as much as I know I can because I beat myself up about not doing enough and of course, I can’t show up powerfully from that place.
c: moved to US
t: i don’t do enough to make their sacrifices worth it / take advantage of the amazing opportunities I’ve been given
a: half-ass things, not really put true effort behind things, think ‘it doesn’t matter anyway so why bother’, ‘i don’t want to work that hard so i’ll be lazy instead’
r: i don’t measure up to what i know i’m capable of
I know these are thoughts but they feel very real. I feel a sense of obligation to do amazing things. I know that I have all the tools, support, and abilities to do amazing things. But when I’m stuck in these thoughts – that’s not how I show up.
I believe this so strongly that even the mildest bridge thoughts feel totally false.
What would you advise?