Hey! In my last post where I was saying that I just couldn’t stop buffering, you asked “What do you get to avoid by keeping this belief?” –> the belief that I ‘can’t’ feel my emotions.
Well, I get to avoid feeling my emotions.
But here’s the problem – I try to allow my emotions to come. I sit down, describe them, feel them, but they don’t go away. I understand that this means that I’m not feeling it all the way through – but I seem unable to do that. I’ve been trying to allow it for years. I don’t feel as if the emotion ever truly resolves, I never find that feeling of relief that comes after, say, a good cry. I just maintain this baseline level of ‘okay well I’m not binging and I’m slightly less miserable but this still basically sucks’.
As you can imagine, life ‘still basically sucking’ isn’t a very good motivator to feel my feelings. I feel like I have a lot more than 50% negative feelings, and then I start to wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’m not new to this work, I’ve been practicing for years. The thought “what am I doing wrong?” isn’t productive, I can see that, but I’m honestly so sick of feeling so mediocre in my life. I think I’m willing to feel my emotions, but they don’t go away when I try to feel them.