I have struggled with intense fears around career choice since my late teens. I say things like “I believe I could succeed at a many number of career options so I just feel paralyzed by decision overwhelm.” But more frequently I am actually thinking, “I am so afraid of failure, so if I never choose a career I can never fail at it.”
Even after I finally chose my degree for my undergrad I was 100% filled with doubt. I graduated in 2017 and I still work full time as a server in a restaurant. I constantly have thoughts that my “career” “status” “achievements” are directly tied to my value and self worth. I am always so embarrassed to disclose my job title to others. I instantly assume they will judge me as lazy or unintelligent. These thoughts always leave me feeling sad, anxious, worthless, lazy, and confused.
I am at a place where I think changing my circumstance to a more respectful career will change all my sad thoughts about my worth. I know this is backwards. What I want is to live more in my integrity now without having to change my C, knowing I am not valued or defined by a job title, that my worth is inherent. I want to feel worthy, proud of my existence, be a friend to myself, and have more compassion for my story, my goals, and my timeline. I know I am capable of creating success in my life, that I’m capable of leaving my serving job and starting a career that challenges me. My belief in my fear of failure has been holding the reins for far too long, so I want to believe something much better now.