Dear Brooke and associates,
I want to thank you for all the work that you are doing in this world.
I stumbled upon your work in a text message from my father. In the lost 6 weeks or so, I have listened to about 70% of your podcasts.
Your words and your ideas have positively transformed my life in a very short period of time.
But I am also having an existential crisis.
I am 35 years old, and I have focused most of my life in achieving one goal. TO BECOME A DOCTOR.
I now know that I have also been in emotional childhood for my entire life.
It is a scary awakening, because I have made most of my decisions based on thoughts and beliefs that were not necessary my own.
I am now realizing that despite the fact that I love my job, I am not sure if I am willing to consciously sacrifice another 40 years of my life in achieving my goal of becoming a great surgeon.
I think if I had to run the model of why I became a doctor, it would go something like this:
Thought: I need to prove myself to everyone. Becoming a doctor will make me a worthy human being. It will provide me with financial freedom to be an independent woman.
Feeling: Determination. Feeling of inadequacy and worry with even a hint of possibility of failure
Action: Focused my entire life on school
Result: I am a doctor.
Now that I am becoming more aware through your teachings, I am starting to realize there is more to life than just my work. I also cannot for the life of me imagine myself going through life missing out on so many experiences (traveling, spending time with my daughter, having friendships, spending time with immediate and close relatives).
I have worked really hard in for where I am today. But I also have bigger dreams than just seeing patients and operating on them.
I see people suffering, just like I was, because they are not aware. I want to help them become conscious.
I also want to start experiencing myself.
I guess my question is, how can I make sure I will “like my reason to quit” in the future.
I hate the word “quit.” I don’t intend to give up medicine all together, but I feel like despite the fact that I love operating, I cannot convince myself to give up so much of my life to achieve that.
Thank you for reading through this. I hope my question makes sense.
I am not planning to take any drastic measures now. I just want to explore the idea.