Caught hubby sneaking alcohol

I am wanting some feedback.

My husband went into AA almost 3 years ago.

Two days ago after being sober for 3 years, he had a drink

He didn’t tell me until last night.

When I saw him taking a swig of rum from a 26 ouncer.

I asked him if that was alcohol (he didn’t see me when he walked into the kitchen)

He said “yes”.

He then told me he had only 2 drinks.

When I went to the bottle and asked how full it had been, he said it was a half bottle.

There was now a finger width left of rum

He had drunk the equivalent of a mickey that afternoon (I heard him say this to his AA person last night).

I told him to sleep on the couch.

I moved though models of shock/awe/annoyance/disappointment/resignation.

But more so through them all, I could see how much I have changed in 3 years.

I didn’t freak out. I didn’t lose my sh*t. Not because I was preventing it, but because I was clear.
Him drinking or even sneaking is HIS model.

This morning when the kids were playing and we were finishing our coffee, I told him, that what he does is up to him.
That he needs to earn my trust.
That if he doesn’t feel recognition that is his own inner work.

I wasn’t angry.

Because here is what is so palpable.

As I said those words, I also knew that I need to earn MY trust, that MY inner works is MY feeling my own recognition.

I can see so clearly that what I am thinking about him is REALLY the work I GET to do ON and FOR myself.


So the feedback I am seeking.

This is all very fresh right now, and I suspect I may be missing a nuance here.

And in the past, when I have posted scenarios of this sort… where there are realizations and no specific question, the coaches consistently provide me with a question or comment that is useful.

Thank you for your insight.

Love you guys