Celebrating myself for subtle yet profound boredom breakthough!


This one is less of a question, and more of a celebration of self. I also figured I would write down a model that worked for me as well and see if any feedback is needed from a coach.

I reached out recently about freaking out about boredom in ask a coach and the coach recommended that I become friends with boredom and stop trying to solve the “problem” of boredom. It’s funny how I give this advice all the time, yet I didn’t see it for myself (oops!). When I read the ask a coach response, I realized I was trying to switch way too quickly to the intentional model. Instead I really just let myself think all the thoughts and feel all the feels without trying to change them. I thought downloaded a bunch of times without even trying to write an intentional model.

This was NOT EASY. My brain was judging my thoughts so hard. I wanted so badly to just “coach the thoughts and get over it” yet I even told myself “it’s okay for me to think that way. I just judged myself, and it’s okay. I’m allowed to think and feel everything I am thinking and feeling. You don’t have to change anything.” I felt like crap! The whole night I felt like crap and continued to just feel it and sit with it cycling from freaking out and trying to change it to showing compassion for my desire to even change it.

This morning I woke up earlier than usual, and again the boredom came up, and I just let myself feel bored. I laid in bed narrating all my sensations and again letting myself think all the “icky” thoughts and feelings (even now I am realizing that word icky is just a thought about my vibration). After meditating (which brought up some insane heaviness that I let myself feel), I ran one model (unintentional) and then one intentional model and it looked like this:

UNINTENTIONAL

C- vibration in my body (boredom)
T- Ugh, I shouldn’t feel this way.
F- anxiety
A- try and change boredom, believe my feelings are wrong, buffer, resist myself
R- create more “unwanted” feelings and drain my energy

INTENTIONAL

C- vibration in my body (boredom)
T- I can learn to make friends with boredom.
F- curiosity
A- lean in, not try and change it, be gentle with myself, ask myself questions from curiosity instead of from a place of changing it, take care of myself
R- enjoy my presence more; feel better

It’s so crazy what thoughts/feelings will come up when I don’t buffer or try and change them. I see why it’s “simple yet not easy.” My brain will literally think it’s dangerous when it really isn’t. I think there is of course more practice here. This was only one night/morning. It’s a practice, and I get to be gentle with myself as I unlearn old ways of handling emotions. Is there any feedback you’d have as a coach? Is there something I am missing? Leaving this on a positive note: This is a huge win for me! I’ve struggled with boredom for so long and for the first time I think ever, I ACTUALLY felt okay with it if even for a few minutes.