Change a past event – dog training

Hi Brooke,

Once I stopped trying to force this month to be about things in my past that were done TO me, (I resolved these things and wasn’t interested in reworking them), I figured out that there are a ton of “mistakes” of my own that still bother me. So, silly as it is, I’m totally bothered by the fact that I didn’t spend as much time with my second dog (now 3) as I did with my first dog (now 8).

I watched the “starbucks” coaching call, where you explained that we can’t just try to change what we think about the past to try to feel better. What I took away is that we really need to believe something different about the past before we can change our thoughts? OK so I’m struggling with this concept. I feel like it’s on the tip of my tounge.. but I can’t think of the word.

C: I bought a puppy (Daytona) when my dog (Jersey Girl) was five. Daytona is 3 now and nervous around new people.
T: I wrecked my puppy. I’m a terrible owner – I should have spent more time with her.
F: Ashamed, sad
A: Do less with Daytona, go less places,
R: I should spend more time with her

C: I bought a puppy (Daytona) when my dog (Jersey Girl) was five. Daytona is 3 now and nervous around new people
T: I wrecked my relationship with Jersey Girl. I used to do so much with her but training with Daytona took so much time away from Jersey that she didn’t get to finish her agility titles etc and now she’s sick and can’t do it.
F: Guilty, sorrow
A: Just cry/wallow/ buffer
R: Less time with Jersey.

OMG- I’m so annoyed with myself. What a whiner I am.

What I want to change:
I wish I did a better job training with Daytona and didn’t cut back on time with Jersey – I wish I spent more time on both of them during the last 3 years.

Current story: I let Daytona down, I let Jersey down, I didn’t have enough time to train them both and now Daytona is nervous around people, can’t do Therapy work like Jersey and Jersey is older and can’t run agility and I messed it all up. I’m a bad owner.

Facts: I have 2 dogs. They are both trained. I work full time. I can afford great vet care. Jersey has an expensive illness and I can pay for it. I get lots of compliments on both dogs. Daytona is nervous around people. Jersey is not. I love my dogs.

Story I want to tell: Ha! something that will make me feel better… just like you said we would try to do. Something about I can do better in the future.
Story I want to tell: I have the dogs I was meant to have and they are perfect as they are. I am the owner they were meant to have. Jersey had an amazing first five years and when she started to act lonely, we bought Daytona so she wouldn’t be alone all day. Daytona is a sweet dog and exactly the dog I need right now. She doesn’t expect to do a lot of stuff, she never competed or worked. Jersey and Daytona have each other to play with so they don’t need as much from me. This allows me to work and them to be happy.

What can I keep? I have the dogs I was meant to have. Daytona is exactly the right dog for me now. All three of us are perfect just as we are.

Did I get that right?