Change thought/feeling or trust thought/feeling


Hello,
I am going though a divorce which involves child custody dispute, litigation, and now we are about to start co-parent counseling, which I was looking forward to because I thought it would help me be more effective with my husband. However, I read over the information and feel “triggered.”
These are my modes as I was trying to work through them, the first one being more of a thought-download model, then tried to refine and refine them. Still, I’m not sure where I am at the end of it. The best I came up with is that I might have to find resources to learn how to manage a lying person elsewhere and this particular source might not have the resources I thought it would. I see a mixture of anger, disappointment, fear, and feeling unsupported.
It seems like, even though I worked through these models and improved the models, I don’t feel as if I came to anything that changes the way I feel, or will allow me to move forward differently. I still have most of these same thoughts even after doing the models.
Am I doing something wrong? I’m wondering if I should just trust myself about feeling bad about this or if I need to work through it more to feel positive and hopeful, or just neutral.
Thank you so much for your help and insight.

C: Read in coparent counseling process information: Co-parenting counseling: goal is to develop a business-like relationship with each other as co-parents.
T: I am not a business. Husband already treats me like a business, not a person. I do not want to have a business relationship with him. I am not a business, I am a person. I am my girls mother. This means he gets to be supported in treating me like a business, not a person. I’m going to be viewed as “difficult” because I don’t want to be treated like a business. I am going to be the problem. I am the problem. I do not like this. I do not want this. I’m going to fail. I’m the one making this bad. It’s there something else? I don’t want to be treated like a business. I was hoping this would help me, but it’s not going to. This is hopeless. I can’t get him out of my life and I can’t get him to treat me decently. This is just going to give him justification for treating me the way he wants to, which is crappy. I want him to leave, leave me alone. This is just going to support him being the jerk he is, not a person, a machine. I don’t want to have to interact with this machine of him. This will just allow him to be fake with me and force me to be fake with him. I don’t want to have fake relationships. I don’t do fake relationships. This is not a good thing to teach our girls. I hate him. I can’t stand him.
F: frustration, fear
A: tell myself the above, think, “If I was doing business with him, I would have stopped doing business with him because he is a liar, a cheat, and I would never voluntarily allow my children to be with him if I have a choice.” And many other tantrums in my mind.
R: ??I am having a worse than business relationship in my mind???

C: same
T: This is going to help husband justify treating me not like a human, I am going to hate it, I don’t want to do it, which means I will mess it up and then it will be my fault things get worse or stay bad. It’s all up to me – and it shouldn’t be. Even if he is nice, I won’t trust it, it will just be because he wants something. I don’t want to develop a close relationship with this man who is after me.
F: anger, lack of belief in self, thinking self is not good enough because self doesn’t want to do what this program says I should do.
A: tantrum in mind about how don’t want to do this program that I thought would help me, feel disappointed, discouraged, bad, no-good, hopeless.
R: I don’t develop a close relationship with myself?????

C: same
T: I don’t want to develop any kind of relationship with him – and this will force me to.
F: rebellion
A: resist the process
R: ? I’m not developing relationship with me? I’m prolonging the pain of this past relationship???

C: same
T: this will just allow husband to continue his antics
F: unsupported
A: mentally resist engaging in the process. Do not feel hopeful about the process. Imagine saying what I really think/feel and then imagine how poorly that would go over.
R: ?I’m continuing my antics??? I’m not sure about R here.

In the end, I don’t think I’m supposed to have my own thoughts about the process. I have the idea I should buy into this process and follow it and that what is wrong right now is my resistance.