I want to leave my job, I have for a very long time but I have been trying to “make myself happy” by changing my thoughts about it in order to stay, which has never fully worked. The job really does not value its employees anymore; it has become way too big and corporate and money hungry.

After listening to Brooke’s last podcast #329 (which was everything; it was so good xoxo) I have been studying it and trying to really process my feelings about my job to make the right decision. I am in a situation where during the pandemic, they drastically decreased my pay without my knowledge or consent, and even though I “won” the battle legally and otherwise, that was really the final straw for me.

I feel so undervalued and tired after years of hard work for the organization, and I am so ready to leave. I have a window of time in a few months that I can just leave without penalty. I know I want to leave but I am afraid of the “grass is greener” phenomenon, meaning I do not want to make a mistake and assume the next job would be better. And I do not want to take my feelings about this job into the next job; I know the feelings need to be processed first. My initial model is below:

Model:

C: my job decreased my pay significantly without telling me and without valid reason
T: I am not valued at this job and want to leave
F: angry, depressed, fed up
A: not as productive at work, withdraw mentally/physically, avoid people
R: ??? (I don’t give my job my whole effort, not productive or happy)

I almost put “not valuable” in the R line but the thing is I know I am, THEY don’t know that. So I didn’t change it and therefore it does not really line up with the T.

I have tried changing the T to make it less of a “personal issue”, but A and R end up being the same because I feel the same:

C my job decreased my pay significantly without telling me and without valid reason
T: it’s not me; they are getting more and more incompetent (or have internal organizational issues) and it is not personal
F: angry, depressed, fed up
A: not as productive at work, withdraw mentally/physically, avoid people
R: ??? (I don’t give my job my whole effort, not productive or happy)

I have tried to change the T around completely to see if THAT is the issue:

C: my job decreased my pay significantly without telling me and without valid reason
T: I am grateful to have a job right now
F: grateful
A: productive
R: still produce great work (?? Does not really line up with the T line)

The competing thought for the last model is that I still know I am not valued at my job, when I should be.

I am trying to figure out HOW to determine whether my thoughts “serve” me. Because if they do, my understanding is that I should keep the thought and change the circumstance if warranted, but if the thought DOESN’T serve me, then I should process and change my thoughts and not necessarily my circumstance. Right?? In this case I feel like they all serve me in a way. I feel like I am making this waaay too complicated LOL. What am I doing wrong here??