Changing your thought(s) vs feeling your feeling(s)


Hi Brooke! I’m so ecstatic to be “asking Brooke!” I’m new here, but not new to thought work. Byron Katie SAVED MY SANITY a few years ago by simply teaching me to ask if my thoughts were true. Thank goodness! Now I’ve been listening to your podcast and I read a book. I’m 100% on board with what you teach and my awareness is through the roof when I’m feeling things I can recognize the thought/belief that got me there. Here’s what I’m still figuring out. I know you also teach these feelings are just a vibration and it’s okay/good to allow them. So do I allow them all the time? Or strive to pick a different thought/belief? Or allow then work on trying new thoughts? What is currently happening is I am having this silent conversation in my head about what to do while life is going on around me and I’m not being present very often. Please help!

I’ll give a specific example.

My husband is transitioning from a cushy salary to a 100% commission career and during that transition we live in my in-laws’ basement. My father-in-law is honestly one of the kindest men around and I just love and appreciate him so much. But living with him, I have found that his constantly jovial personality is annoying to me. Just one example: My daughter is medically fragile and there are constant and significant issues with her health. But no matter how long she’s been screaming in pain, if she’s in the midst of vomiting again, or if she’s smiling and giggling, he’s always just laughing loudly with her and trying to tickle her. I’ve communicated with him to request he “read the room” and explained there are certain times when tickling is not preferable to a sick person, but he continues to do this. Okay.. so if I have this right…
C: I have a father in law
T: He should be selective in being jovial and giggly with my daughter
F: frustration/anger/annoyance
A: disrespectful behavior toward my father-in-law, isolation, ranting to my mom & husband
R: General dissatisfaction and anxiety about when it will happen again.

Ok so I know my thought that he should or shouldn’t behave certain ways are where I’m causing the trouble. But I’ve tried on other thoughts, like “he gets to act however he wants” and “I’m grateful my children have a fun and happy grandpa.” And I can have general peace with those thoughts, but in the moment, those thoughts are nowhere to be found. Instead I revert to thinking ‘he shouldn’t be acting like this right now’ and I either tell him so are feel/act generally grumpy. Then starts a cycle of talking myself into thinking the other thoughts and feeling guilty that I failed at applying the new thoughts when the situation arose. Meanwhile, my husband can be found saying, “Hello. Did you hear the last 5 things I said?” And I unfortunately reply no because I’ve been unsuccessfully working the model in my head. Gah!

Thank you for helping me figure this out! Thank you for everything!!!