Trying to figure what to do with anger over partner kissing someone else.

I have been through notebooks of models and mindset work…

I’m afraid he’ll do it and I won’t know it and be happy go lucky and have a kid…. and then I guess you just leave and that’s that.

But if you don’t find out…

But as I tell you that – Thats not really it either…

I haven’t been able to understand why I can’t trust him and I have so much anger.

I guess everything was magical and now it feels tainted. It feels unsafe like I can’t count on him. My brain sees all this evidence for the opposite. I don’t know how to let it go. I work at it and I do let it go, but then it comes back again 3 weeks later.

I get that I can generate feelings and choose thoughts, but I can’t generate feelings towards him that are not naturally present… Maybe some people can or desire to but I don’t.

And I’ve tried thinking that I just want him and our life and I find all this evidence for the magic, but it’s like something that was bonded before is not there now.