Current Model:
C: Mom said, “F it, if I have lung cancer already why should I quit smoking.”
T: She is self destructive
F: Angry
A: Judge her, spin in regret for not helping her with this sooner, ruminate on what ifs, disconnect from her in these moments, stop looking for alternative care, give up hope, sit in worry, no eye contact with her, make passive remarks,
R: I am self destructive.

I want to make a fast jump here as time is likely sensitive. I have sat with the anger and allowed it to pass through, felt its vibrations and feel I have processed it – but I feel best when I am feeling loving, supportive and helpful to my mom. But these moments when she says things like this or I see her self-destructive behavior in action are very difficult for me. And becoming more so. How can I get out of her model and stay present with non-judgement and not hop to angry at her so quickly? When I hop to anger – do I process each time and eventually it just gets easier? I want so badly to move to a new thought fast. Here’s a try but I am having trouble in these repeated moments choosing the thought below instead of feeling so angry.

C: Mom said, “F it, if I have lung cancer already why should I quit smoking.”
T: This must be incredibly frightening for her
F: Compassion
A: Listen harder, don’t judge, love her anyway, continue looking for ways to help, Search for alternative care, get things in order for her appointments, take care of myself to stay present and connected, connect with her deeply, eye contact, hugs, help her in any way I can to ease her stresses today, enjoy this time together
R: By operating from compassion for her I also comfort myself through my own fears about her dying/cancer.