Choosing my Mom as my Week 4 Person of Focus

Hi Coaches, so I chose my mom as my last focus person and I think the reason I waited until the last week to choose her is because of the first day of the week’s homework, which states, “let all the “ugly” judgements out of your head.” How am I supposed to ugly judge my mom? Her life has been far from easy for a long time and she’s always put her kids first. I almost took her off the “Focus List,” but truthfully, our relationship could use some work. She’s the most important person in my life, and I’m the one she depends on the most, but the older she gets, the less patience I seem to have for her (unlike my sister…eyeroll, eyeroll), then I get frustrated or I feel guilty or both. I want to understand and accept her more than I currently do, and not get so easily annoyed, but even if it’s just on for-my-eyes-only paper, how can I ugly judge her?? The idea of it makes my feel lousy! It’s like I’m going to hurt her even though she doesn’t even know about it! I’m thinking of skipping day one but I’m guessing that’s ill-advised. On the upside, I’m totally aware of my wrong, self-indulgent thoughts. So, I’m processing them instead of trying to resist or deny them and maybe, just maybe, I can judge with love. Is that even possible? I’m just having a hard time getting to where I’m supposed to be to do this work effectively (I know it’s just my thoughts, but that doesn’t make me feel any better yet).
Any thoughts?
I’m doing models as a way of working through this. My results seem like they should be clearer.
C: my mom
T: It would be horrible to ugly judge my mom
F: guilty
A: escape any negative thoughts, watch the Hallmark channel instead of doing my homework
R: I gain nothing from this week’s assignment.
Intentional Model
C: my mom
T: Privately judging her as part of an assignment that will ultimately strengthen our relationship is perfectly okay
F: reassured
A: do the assignment without judging myself or feeling guilty
R: I gain greater insight into my own thoughts and behavior
Thanks so much, it’s been a great month:)