Hi coaches,

I was thinking about my relationship with decisions and regret. I realized that we have two types of regret. There is the regret that comes after a decision where you truthfully picked the option that seemed best to you in the moment, but later realized that it was not ideal. I think it is easier to deal with this kind of regret by acknowledging the fact that back then, my limited understanding of things lead me to pick the option that looked best.

On the other side there is the sneakier regret for those choices in which, before choosing, you have it clear or you have an intuition that later on you will regret it, but you feel compelled to pick the option anyway because of some story you have in your head. For this type of regret, the thought “I could not know it back then” does not work, instead even aggravates the feeling by adding shame.

So when I am in a situation like the second I described, before the decision I am already seeing where I’ll end up with my choice, still I feel like I am locked on a railway that is leading where I had better not go. In those moments I realize that my mind make the choice I’ll make a matter of courage, “you need to have the courage to step up and pick the option you know is better”. By making it a matter of courage thus of virtue I am preventively shaming myself because I am “seeing myself go towards the rehearsed option”. So making it a matter of courage does not work to me. What different posture could you suggest me to take in front of such a situation?

More in general it is about making a decision coherent with our values, so about being in integrity with myself and my values. Can being in integrity not be a matter of courage? Once we list write our values, can we follow them without the need to be courageous? Thanks