Choosing thoughts/boundaries/rationalizing when abuse is present

I am a little unclear around how to choose thoughts, choose love, set boundaries, etc with individuals who choose to behave abusively.

I have read questions from others out here where they describe abuse toward children, themselves, etc. I get how changing our thoughts can help us feel better and relieve our self-inflicted suffering. The lines seem blurred to me around where boundaries should be drawn with the abusive person and when to not tolerate the behaviors and get out.

I understand it is not your job to tell people to get out of abusive situations but can you please talk about how to take responsibility for our own thoughts, choose love, AND take no shit and mistreatment from others. You have touched on this some in coaching calls and lots in the podcasts on boundary setting so I know you aren’t suggesting people stay in abusive, disrespectful relationships but for some reason, I can’t seem to reconcile it all in my head. I am asking because I want clarity for myself. I am getting out of a relationship that wasn’t working for me and is not what I want but to be honest, in doing some of this work, I find I am thinking I need to be more loving, change my own thoughts etc. I’m sure I do, however instead of helping me get to a healthier place, I am finding I am rationalizing the problems in the relationship and thinking I just need to take responsibility for it not working and be more loving and change my thoughts. There is a part of me, despite the abusive behaviors that come from my partner, that has a hard time ending this. I find this work making it even harder. Is it possible to take too much responsibility in a relationship? How can I take full responsibility for my own thoughts without letting someone else off the hook for repetitively cruel and abusive behaviors? I think I might be missing something, a different perspective or paradigm shift or something to connect the dots. Thanks so much!