I’m feeling stuck in a bad marriage, and I recognize that I am really just stuck in the thought that my marriage is bad and am choosing to be unhappy in it. There are circumstances in our marriage that need to be changed, my husband has had a porn addiction and has trauma that he is working through with a therapist. He is learning to be accountable for his own feelings and improve his self worth. The steps he is taking are going to help him to have the self worth to show up in a loving way in our marriage. The problem I’m having is how can I be happy now, when my husband is currently bringing many unhealthy traits to our marriage and only now starting to recognize them.

I know it’s totally my responsibility to make manage my own mind, but I’m struggling to do so. I think the thoughts I’m stuck on are:
How do I detach from some of my husbands behaviors that are not benefitting our marriage, without detaching from love towards him, and let go of the expectation that these traits need to go away right now? I want to be happy that he is in the process of healing and just expect that behaviors take time to change.

How do I stop feeling a victim to his actions? He may not always show love, but I know he loves me and I want to stick with him, so there’s no point in me feeling so much pain all the time. Can’t I just choose to be happy with a marriage that has problems?

How do I feel 100 percent in the relationship, so I can show up with love an enthusiasm for my whole family, without needing my expectations met or being attached to specific circumstances and outcomes.

I know there is a lot to figure out here, but I consciously believe that, if I do the work, I can be happy in this marriage no matter what my husband does. I think my subconscious just doesn’t want to accept this.