I’ve been working on my mindset in terms of how I feel about my calendar. I took this to 20-minute coaching yesterday, and we came to see that I approach my tasks / goals / calendar from a mindset of “push, push, push myself,” fearing failure, self-blame, not feeling enough, etc. Also, I was waiting for my goals to be achieved to feel joyful and connected. I found this coaching session very helpful.

I want to go deeper into exactly this, how to cultivate feelings of joy and mindfulness in relation to my everyday activities, as I feel that’s where I stumble. Any ideas would be welcome. I have realized that I come to my calendar / activities with dread, “push, push, push,” worry, “I need to do more” mindset. Here are my models today:

Model on Unintentional Thought
C: My calendar today (Saturday): piano practice, a walk, follow meal plan, my private work (3 appointments), 1 hour planning, rest time from 2 pm onwards.
T: Even on weekends, even with “leisure goals,” each day I set goals, each day I fail: I “push, push, push” only to “fail, fail, fail.”
F: frustration
A: I talk to myself negatively about my calendar at the start of the day – “I won’t manage it! None of this makes me feel good looking at it!” – which then affects my thoughts and mood as I go into the day.
I have helpless thoughts about my eating and ability to follow my meal plan.
I push myself during the day with all my goals.
I lose sight of my impossible goal.
I tell myself I’m a failure and stuck in a rut, that I’m in quicksand.
I fill the empty time I have with buffering and mindless scrolling.
I am not consistent.
R: I don’t properly rest, I don’t enjoy my weekend, I don’t even follow my rest plan.

Model on Intentional Thought
C: My calendar today: piano practice, a walk, follow meal plan, my private work (3 appointments), 1 hour planning, rest time from 2 pm onwards.
T: I’ve chosen every single thing on my calendar; there’s nothing here that I don’t want to do.
F: Joyful, present
A: I do one thing at a time.
I slow down.
I make sure during MH1 that there are enough open spaces / rest times in my calendar.
I come to my tasks mindfully.
I tell myself I’m enough, that what I’m doing each moment is enough.
R: I follow my calendar and enjoy my Saturday.