Clarity on moving forward with life decisions


I’m having a what do I even want to do with my life moment…

Facts: I’m 46, I’ve worked in the NJ education system for 19.5 years (9 years as a teacher, 10.5 years as an administrator), In 5.5 years I’ll be eligible for my pension (not be able to collect it for another 4 years), Pension is approximately 80,000/year, I’ve received Life Coach training from AC (not LCS), I have two kids (10-year old twins), I have a husband who I met in Spain whose family lives in Norway, I am a certified yoga teacher but not currently teaching yoga.

Thoughts: I’m bored, unmotivated, not sure what to do with my life, I feel like a failure because I’ve been plugging along in this job as an educational administrator un-wantedly for the past 5+ years.  I like coaching but haven’t been able to plan my live in a way that I can build my coaching business while working full time and caring for my family. I’m doing a shitty job at work because I’m not motivated.

I question my marriage periodically because I think I would be happier if I wasn’t married to my husband, but I know that it’s my thoughts that will indicate how I feel so this thought is what is leading me to feel this way I know, but I can’t seem to get out of this funk.

I’ve decided to continue my job for the next 5.5 years in order to earn my full pension but I keep 2nd guessing myself. I feel like all I do at work is answer parent questions about why their children did not get an A, blame the teacher, etc. I am just so over my job, I really don’t think I can do it for another 5.5 years. I’m thinking about going back into the classroom (I was happy there) but my salary would be cut in half and I need this salary to support my family (NJ is expensive).

I think I’m just in an overall funk. Do I just let myself feel it and get through it? I’m not sure which method is really being at cause for the things I want in my life.

The results I want: do meaningful rewarding work, make $175K (preferably more each year since I will need to pay for insurance- so really $225K each year, I would love to coach but can’t seem to grow my business while working full time and then I get too caught up with feeling like I can’t do anything right. I want to be fit and strong in body mind, heart and spirit, have the energy to be a good parent to my children (one who is emotionally supportive) and do work that I love. I can’t seem to figure out how to do that…please help.

I’m miserable in this indecision, but can’t seem to get out of it.

Thanks in advance.