Hi coaches! Here’s my unintentional model:
C – F says “I’m so envious of you, you’re so lucky, it’s always been my dream to have a house like that but I can’t afford it.”
T – She’s not able to celebrate my wins
F – Angry
A – Avoid sharing good news with her in future, avoid taking her to the house, distance myself from her in general, no longer consider her a close friend so stop inviting her to things/ sharing life with her
R – I no longer feel close to her.
C – F says “Can I move in there when you’re not using it?”
T – She’s jealous of me and just wants to take from me
F – Scared
A – distance myself from her and avoid sharing good news or good things with her to protect myself. Continue to share ‘bad news’ with her.
R – Our friendship revolves around meeting at the place where we are hurt, disappointed in our lives rather than where we are winning.
C- F says “I’m so envious of you…”
T – If she was a real friend she would be supportive and happy for me
F – Disappointed
A – Withdraw from her and no longer make effort to include her in my life, look for other signs that she is ‘not a real friend’
R – I rarely see her and talk to her, the connection no longer feels meaningful or safe to me
Background: We have been friends for 10 years and are closely involved in each other’s lives. She has been a good friend in many ways, but I’ve noticed that she is more available and present when I’m in a crisis than when I am celebrating or have good news. (E.g. if I have problems at work etc she drops everything and is really supportive and helpful, but when I have a celebration she often cancels at the last minute).
The result I would like is to stay in a close friendship with F and to feel confident in sharing good news and be my most empowered self around her regardless of her behaviour. I can see that I have been collaborating in the above ‘reality’ (i.e. that she is there in the bad times, but absent in the good). I would like our friendship to revolve around a shared positive vibration, rather than meeting on a negative vibration.
I’ve been working on my intentional model, but don’t seem to be able to get to a thought that feels like something I can believe and act upon.
T – I show up for myself in the good times and celebrate my achievements
T – Her actions are the result of her thoughts/ model and are nothing to do with me
T – I can choose to love her regardless of how she shows up for me
Are you able to help me find some other thoughts that I can choose to get out of this negative thought spiral? Thank you!!!!