Coach training

Ever since paying for August coach training I’ve have been absolutely freaking out. I’m totally avoiding thought work and SCS. I’m feeling totally inadequate. Who am I to think I can really be an example of this stuff? I am a mess inside, still bingey some days, fighting with my mom, blaming my husband for stuff. Its like I’m reverting to my old self in every way. Help me regroup! What is happening???