cognitive dissonance + overdesire for food


C: Upcoming party + last week gained 2 kg in less than 1 week + experienced associated shame and beated myself up for it
T1: My body signals were clear, I had the choice to act in a self aware and respecting way but I did’t
T2: I made a mistake
T3: It is the same mistake of many other times, I am not committing to learning from my mistakes … (I am not completing here the rest of the model going to F: shame and me beating myself up)

T4: I want to enjoy positive feelings during the party
T5: I want these feelings to come primarily from food (I have not had joy eats in a while now and I want to keep them in my life)
T6: To enjoy the eating experience I need to shut down negative thoughts about me eating those foods
T7: With “joy foods” it is more easy for my brain to produce these thoughts
T8: If I “get prepared” by being disciplined, restrictive with fasting than I can shut down these thoughts enough for me to enjoy the eating experience
T9: I HAVE to go low carb a couple of days, fast and exercise. (absolutely necessary, matter of life and death)
T10: I am not good enough if I do not stick to this plan

F: obligation

A: reduce calorie intake, low carb, fast, exercise.

R: The whole process accompanied by thoughts of rebellion in cognitive dissonance with all the previous “Why am I doing this to me? I shouldn’t. I can’t love myself, I am still trapped into these cycle”. Did enjoy the party in the end but I hated the 2 days before it

It is a huge pile of thoughts and I would like your suggestion on where to start peeling off the pile, as an advice for next time it arises. Thanks!