College Regrets


I have realized I have lingering regret about my choice of college and my major.

My brother, sister and I were the first generation in the family to go to college. My parents had no experience with helping select a school or the application process, and, 45 years ago, there were not the resources counseling juniors and seniors about choosing and applying to schools, never mind school visits and tours. I got into a state school through my art teacher calling in a favor. So, I ended up in art school, and the first time I saw the school was my first day of classes.

I realized later, visiting a friend at an Ivy League school, that I was in the wrong place. Not that I needed an Ivy League school, but that a more traditional school and major, and one that had more orientation for a new student would have suited my personality better. Of course, I didn’t know that it was possible to CHANGE schools. Or change majors, even. I was clueless about my options.

I have always felt that not only did I not study anything remotely useful, I didn’t make connections with people in school. I feel somewhat of an outsider now in social situations because everyone seemed to have gone to school with … someone famous… or met their seven best friends for life… or had that teacher who guided them into a direction to start their company and making their first $100 million… They all seem to have had better experiences than I did.

I knew my SATs were high, but my brother recently told me that, when I was in 11th grade, Mom was called into school because I had the highest scores in a town-wide intelligence type of test given across all the schools. I knew this had also happened in fifth grade, because the principal told me himself. Mom never mentioned this second time. I am pretty certain I wouldn’t have known how to leverage this to a better school and scholarship, but… more fuel to my regrets bonfire.

Until tonight, I never had anything really juicy to make a model about (or so I thought). This must have been buried a bit deep. Here’s what I have come up with. Please let me know where I can improve my models. Thank you so much!

Unintentional

C: I went to Southeastern Massachusetts University
T: I should have gone to a different university or college and my life would have been better.
F: Regretful (possibly angry?)
A: Feel awkward around really accomplished people I know socially because I think they had a better start at a critical point in their lives, so I buffer and hide. I don’t put myself out there in the job market.
R: I feel like I have not lived up to my potential, ever.

Intentional

C: I went to Southeastern Massachusetts University
T: If I had gone to a different school, my life would have been different, but not necessarily better. (I truly believe this, now.)
F: Absolved? Accepting? Tranquil? Soothed? Comprehending? Comforted?
A: Be confident around my peers. Accept that I am what I had done with ALL of my life, not just what I did for 4 years in my youth.
R: I love my life. (This is also true, but I know I can make it even better through learning to manage my thoughts!)