Hi,

Growing up my parents loves to compare themselves to others or compare us to other kids in similar age.

Often it shines a negative light on us. i.e. ‘look at your cousin who studied finance and now made this this much money, and you studied design which makes so much less with so much more hard work etc…’

I understand that this is something my parents especially my mom did for so long and can’t change. Most of the time, I know it’s not her intention to make me feel bad. In the example above, it’s that she secretly wishes I could choose an easier and more successful career path so she could worry less about me, and I know she cares about me. However whatever she says is hard to hear.

I feel it affects me in a way that I tend to compare myself with others as well. Also sometimes I feel the way to compare with others has negative intentions, if others do better than me then I feel bad or sometime jealous or otherwise feel it’s unfair. In contrast, I would prefer others do worse than me, which isn’t a great intention and I don’t want that either.

I don’t know how to stop comparing myself with others, and wonder if there is a way to change that.