Comparing and My Thoughts About Me

Through my work here in Scholars, I see that I have a deep-rooted issue of comparing myself with others. And most of the time coming up short.

I realize that it is me comparing the idea I have of myself to another. So, if I keep coming up short and not enough, then my ideas and the story I have of myself are negative and destructive. It’s a red flag that I need to address.

However, I use the comparisons to confirm that I’m “right” about who I think I am in the world. And then I go and protect myself. This is an old and strong cycle!

I just reread the workbook for January 2020 “Your Thoughts About You”. It is very helpful but I believe I’m still “stuck” in the muck of these negative ideas about me. It feels like I am bound by my shortcomings.

As long as I have these beliefs, I know I am unable to change. This is a terrible cycle because it just keeps proving my beliefs true. The more I believe them, the more evidence I have for them, and the more I believe them.

I am learning intellectually that these are just thoughts, just sentences in my mind, and I can change them. This can be a profound realization that can change my life forever. But I’m still having trouble believing that these ideas are truly optional. I still believe too much that my observations are intelligent, accurate bits of information about me.

Brooke said “I know it sounds simplistic, but the most important part of this process was just realizing that I was even thinking these things. They were hiding just below my awareness. I never even knew to question them, because I wasn’t even aware they were there. Once I became aware, it was enlightening and actually much easier to change. I now don’t have any desire to drink, I don’t overeat, and I make tens of millions of dollars every single year. It’s truly because I spent the time finding and changing my thinking so I could feel differently and act in accordance with what I wanted.”

I am aware that I am thinking these things. They are hiding just below my awareness. I am trying to question them. But I am still having trouble with the practical application of this.

How can I better embrace the fact that all thoughts are truly optional and that I REALLY do get to think whatever I want to think about myself? And not because I’m at the effect of what I “see” when I compare. How should I go about things from here—from becoming more aware to actually believing and changing my life?

Thank you in advance for your help. I’m so glad to be in Scholars to get help with really ending this vicious cycle and to evolve and become the best version of myself!❤️