Compassion with ourselves : how do we know we are right ?


Hello
Thank you so much for your help and your job : it’s been 4 days since I’m a scholar and it seems it’s already far better ! I feel more empowered and capable and compassionate with myself.

Well here is my question :
My son (13 years old) has been diagnosed as scholar phobic in January 2018. Until there I had him working a lot (hours on his weekend, all days long during holidays…) and be really really anxious all the time about school for one and a half year.
Then a morning on last January like he was feeling nauxious again I decided it was not bearable anymore to see him feeling so bad about school and brought him to the doctor. It took 6 months to find out that he has Hyperactive attention deficit disorder plus dysgraphya. He is high intellectual potential also but we knew that for years.

I spent my whole year finding help with all kinds of doctors, school, …finally he got some help with cognitive comportemental therapy groups.

Here is my question because I feel deeply culpability, guilty that I didn’t stop to send him to school far earlier. That I let him in pain and trouble so long.
I feel like I should have felt it was so unbearable for him instead of thinking he was not doing things properly as not focusing enough during school time or not trying enough to write properly.

In order to feel better can I think that I did it exactly right ? Because when I let him go to school at that time I really thought it was the best for him, for his future. His school is a high level school and I thought, because his 16 years brother was there that if he wouldn’t go he would feel like he was not able to. So in order to make him feel able (!!!) I agreed with him and sent him in this school.
Of course I didn’t think one second that he had these disorders.
Now I know of course it seems obvious he couldn’t make it right but as that time I just thought he was stressed not kinda ill. I’m feeling bad because I waited so long to stop all this pain. So I tried to find out some advices in the model and the “ask a coach” answers.

So I read your answer to the mummy with the “only” 10 min spent with her kids and you say : it’s possible to think that you spent the perfect amount of time with your kids today “. I read that compassion with ourself is the way so now I wonder if it’s ok to think the same way for me : it’s possible to think that I stopped him to school at the perfect moment for him ? What if I don’t completely believe it. ? Which thought could bring to this one at the end through the scale. Because at the end I still think I should have known, felt earlier that something was wrong, that it was not a “normal” stress he had with school.

My head seems to be rationally ok with the idea but my stomach is not ! My stomach is like : you can say what you want I know you should have known ! A good mother would have known. A loving mother would have known. Yet I spend my whole year running everywhere to find a way for him to overcome his troubles and I stopped working for a while to be with him and to try to find out solutions but still my stomach “thinks” it’s not enough …I should have known.

Thank you so much for your answer !!!