Compelling Reasons for Weight Loss/Fitness

I want to lose weight and be able to run a 5k PR. I have compelling reasons: I want to continue my mental and emotional growth that this challenge will bring, and I want to live a longer and healthier life that is more fulfilling (being able to go do active events, etc.)

The confusion I have is that one of my other silent reasons is that I hate feeling fat (which makes me feel shame/non loving of myself) and that I want to be skinnier and faster in running (so that I can feel like I fit in with some of my running friends).

I don’t know how to deal with having a mix of empowering and disempowering reasons, and at this point, I can’t ignore the disempowering ones. I would like to rethink the currently disempowering reasons and turn them to empowering ones/add to my other two reasons. Thank you!